Sundizzay!

My Sunday morning started bright and early at 7:15 because i had a peer team (core group for core group leaders, essentially) meeting this morning. so when i went to bed and finally fell asleep at 3:45 last night/this morning, i pretty much decided i wasnt going to church. except then i woke up and knew i really was in fact going. lets face it, god is god and he does what he wants!

so first in peer team we talked about the reality of the spiritual world and spiritual warfare and stuff. i began to study it at the end of last year/beginning of the summer, but i quit, sadly, and never picked it up again. but today i re-realized the magnitude of it. and it was kinda provocative for me because lately, ive been thinking about how faith works with real life. like, when i went to boston to see my dad, i realized he lives a life that is devoid of true relationship with god, and it was even hard for me to maintain mine like usual. i just kept busy and then didnt take time to pray. and then its like being there reminded me of everything that makes up "real life" and the way it is there, it just seems like there is no room for faith and jesus and believing in the supernatural. so then i thought about it faith really meshes with life outside of my college bubble that i have made into my safe christian space, ya know? and it all connects to warfare because i was wondering about healing, and if you do believe in it, then where is the line for just being naturally physically sick and seeking medical help vs. praying in faith alone. anyways.

so then church came, and even when the sermon wasnt about it, i kept thinking about how i dont pray as much as i would like to because i dont think i have a good idea of just how powerful god is. he kinda spoke that to me, asking if i really believed if he is sovereign and in control. i would like to say i do, but honestly, the way the world looks, it doesnt look like he is. i mean, i can believe god is in control of my personal life and destiny and such. but the world? why is so much crap happening then? ughh. i know, no answer. and then i need to have a revelation of his power, because i would def. seek out his help in prayer if i believed it.

ps- i am obsessed with the alicia keys song "diary."
ps(b)- ashley and i decided to start drinking a glass of red wine every night for our heart health. so tonight we began, and we had no glasses, so instead we drank it out of clear plastic cups. hahaha.

anyways, so then in church my heart for latin america also flared up, and i started looking for opportunities to go there soon. like, post graduation or later in the summer is what i mean. and ive been thinking about it with respect to ben and everything, and right now i am at a point where i can be free because im not tied to anything. like, before when i thought ben and i would be getting married, i didnt know when latin america would fit and how. but now i dont have that reason to stick around, and its a little crazy. so i started thinking about the prospect of marrying a latin american. oh man. then having little soccer-playing kids! ahhhh! basically, i dont know how this marriage thing is going to pan out, not that i am worried because i know god has it all, but its still really disillusioning. you know? maybe not.

(hey miss moneekuh! i hope you are having an amazing day and i love you! cause i know youre the only one reading...hahaha )

and thats about it. i love god, really. and im excited about my future. its just sad to let go of things and realize that they are indeed slipping away. but hey, the christian life is anything but boring, isnt it?

goodnight.