killing me softly...

Yes. exams truly are killing me. but not softly. no, not at all. because 'softly' implies comfort and gentility. there is nothing comfy nor gentile about this incredible workload. however, today i got 2.75 of 4 assignments done. now all that stands between me and break is the rest of a paper and 20 pages of john calvins scriptural authority. tomorrow im bout to throw down.

its kinda sad how college makes me push aside my christmas spirit until after exams. its just not fair, you know? speaking of christmas, today in church we had this awesome sermon about gifts to give your kids from the bible. like, how giving them gifts is ok, but what needs to be given are biblical examples of awesome character so their lives will be great. im excited to have kids because of it. and it also reinforced the thoughts ive had about christmas and all the commercialism. i noticed it a few years ago, that my family just buys gifts for each other because they are supposed to. (not so much my immediate family as extended) but nobody really wants them, they just ask for things because they are supposed to ask for something. its so stupid. everyone has so much it makes me sick...so ive been thinking a lot about the world vision gift catalogue and how i can spend gift money buying goats for african families and doing it in my family members' names. but i want to ask my sister about it, because i dont know if my family would understand or be excited about it. i cant force my passions and disgruntled-ness on them, you know?

changing the subject, i had dinner with my mentor, michelle, thursday night. i had been thinking a lot about ben recently and she asked about him, so we talked about how i miss him and generally how i dont understand why we broke up when it was so good for so long and there wasnt really anything wrong. so michelle told me about one of her situations before she got married, and god spoke to me through her. basically, what i knew but couldnt put into words or identify as a problem was the fact that i didnt really respect ben. not that i didnt respect him, but just that i had been praying to see his heart for god for a long time, and i need to marry someone who i can always look up to spiritually. and i didnt have that all the time for ben. so...im excited about gods best for me, and that knowledge is helping to ease all this confusion and such.

anyways, bed time so i can get up and take out calvin.
night.