Acclimation

I love lent. Like, I LOVE it. I think I have said this before, but every Christmas and then Easter, I long with everything I have for a deeper understanding of the spiritual significance of these holidays. And the fasting that takes place with lent not only makes the significance something tangible that I can wrestle with every day, but I see it in a different light every year too. So along with lent, I have a few scattered thoughts to share from the past few days that need to be packaged:

1. First, I am reading in 1 Samuel right now, about Saul. When I got to the part about him getting ready to go into battle, but waiting for Samuel to come sacrifice, but he takes too long so Saul does the sacrifice himself, and then is cursed for it, it struck me how significant this disobedience was to God. I mean, from my perspective, it's a sacrifice. One that was offered in the right way using the right materials and for the right purposes, but just a little bit early. And the consequence was God stripping Saul of his favor so that he wouldn't be king anymore? I mean, really. I am also led to believe that this is the root of all the "troublesome spirits" that entered Saul later and caused him to try to kill David and go a little insane.
That is quite a punishment.
But the fact is that God requires absolute obedience. I don't know why God wanted it offered at the very time he did, and there might not even have been any reason that would have manifested itself in this world besides that's what God wanted. But that is all we have.
And so I think that this provides a kind of backdrop to my heart. You know how jewelers and museums and anyone else who might photograph jewelry will put a black velvet cloth behind a diamond to show its perfection and/or flaws? Well, this demonstration of the requirement of obedience is a backdrop to show my flaws. I am not absolutely obedient, and oftentimes I will tweak what God says by pushing the action into my own timetable, or creating a contingency of sorts. This is SO very wrong, and I am working on it, but it just goes to show how far removed I am from the reverence that the Israelites had (and had to have) towards God.
And the scary thing is, is that doing things on my own time table and at my convenience is so natural. I think that I have acclimated myself, in this way, to what surrounds me, and that is dangerous. My whole standard of normal is changing, and even though everywhere I am will not be Xa at UVa, I need to find a balance and not doubt that the depth of relationship I had with God there was very real and sustainable.
Isn't this also a backdrop, though, to show the grace that God gives us? His one wrong act took Saul out of God's favor, yet nothing can do that for me. I'm not saying there aren't consequences, but Jesus' death covers me so God pardons me, and I will never have to justify myself. This is huge. And what's more, is that God pursues me to give me this grace. Crazy.
I wish I could keep this at the forefront of my mind each and every second of the day.

2. Second, I was going to go into something else, but I forget what it is, and this was already long enough. So.
Oh yeah, it was about a general Christian expectation of victory. I will elaborate on that tomorrow, since it is kind of related, but not really.

So happy lent, and happy meditating on God's grace in your life.

"I want it that way..."

The fact is that its about time I revive this blog, because I've been having quite a few revelations recently, and they really should be documented. And what better way to do that than with Backstreet Boys lyrics?

I was reading in I Samuel the other day, and I was struck by the whole story about Israel wanting a king. Basically, since Israel began as a people group, God had been their leader. And then he takes them out of the oppression of Egypt into the freedom of the wilderness and soon-coming promise land, and rules them. Its a theocracy, and a pretty good one too, minus all the rebellion. But around I Samuel, they start begging God for a king, and its because they want to be like all the other nations. That's why- they want to be normal like everyone else they see and have a king! And God warns them and says that this will be something that they will deeply regret later, and a king will be unfair, and God will gladly just rule over them justly forever, but they say no. They readily accept the forthcoming consequences to take a king, and the story goes on to show that it really does suck for them.

The whole part about Israel suffering because of their choice really isn't the focus so much, but even more than that I was struck by the fact that Israel made that decision. I mean, they consciously chose to have a king, and head down the wrong road, when God was holding freedom and his rule right there for them. Isn't that crazy? I almost couldn't believe it when I read the story, even though I have read it tons of times before. I just can't comprehend why Israel would choose oppression, in the name of being considered normal.

But then I remembered that I do this too, and its not something that is hard to do, either. There are many opportunities to replace God in my life with other things that are detrimental. I mean, God offers to be our joy, our providence, our companion, our security, our king, our wisdom, everything. Yet the temptation to trust in our jobs over God, or to take someone else's advice instead of God's, or to do what we want instead of what he wants, is SO strong. Even when the consequences are laid out! I still accept the wrong road knowingly! Crazy.

Its easy to say when Im not faced with a decision to make, but God really does tell us exactly what he wants us to do in most situations. To follow that sounds like the obvious action, but it's hard, especially when we want to be "normal." Or when we see something we like, and there is no better alternative except what God asks us to have faith in. It's hard. And I make the wrong decision often. But what is amazing is that God has the grace to forgive us, and not get mad, and turn our mistakes into something that works. I love it.