I still dont know why its called the "city of brotherly love..."

Hey. ok, so the past 24 hours have been some of my favorite of my life. let me recount them for you:

last night, myself, allyson, kate, her b/f logan, and matt a were all trying to decide what to do, cause everyone is done with exams and hanging out whatnot. we decided dinner was a good idea, so we went to wild wings. while there, matt a suggested that we go to philly for cheese steaks. nobody took him seriously except me, so i got everyone all riled up and, at about this time last night (~9:56 pm) we decided to go to philly!

so we left charlottesville at about 10:30, and on the way to philly decided there would be nothing to do when we got there at 3:30. so what would we do? we went to atlantic city, of course. we drove straight through to the shore to watch the sun rise at the beach, and the closest one was definitely there. but the sun didnt rise until later, so from 4-7, we just walked around the boardwalk and went inside all the casinos. we watched the sunrise later, which was absolutely gorgeous. i would put up a picture, but i dont have one yet. but it was awesome. there were many times i would stop and think- what are we doing in atlantic city at 5 am?! no answer, but the sunrise was totally worth it.

after atlantic city, we hopped back into kates super-tiny car (which i like, cause i like small spaces and i like curling up in a ball to sleep, especially when i can lean on someone) and then drove to philly for a cheese steak. problem was the one place we had directions to wasnt open and serving them by 9:00. slackers. so we got directions to "the best" place from a local named nicole and headed off. now. we knew it would take a while based one her directions, but we kept driving and looking for a turn, and didnt find it. the area kept getting worse and worse. we were a little confused, and not really all that scared until...

we noticed we were in the deepest ghetto i've ever seen. you dont believe me. we saw a car that was really just a frame of a former car that had been either set on fire or bombed. a freakin bombed out car. there were fires in trash cans. there were people wandering around with bottles in brown bags that were especially large. it was scary. 4 white uva kids riding around the ghetto of philly. and kate hands me the camera and asks me to take a picture.

i almost died.

luckily, nicole had given us her phone number, so we called her and proceeded to tell her our whereabouts, to which she replied "wow...you really are deep in the ghetto. you need to get out." yup, a native said it. i almost died, i tell you. we eventually got out cheesesteaks and left to come back to charlottesville, returning at about 3 this afternoon. best road trip ever? well, grottoes was awesome. but this is def. the best spontaneous one. im so happy i went.

this one is going to be a long one, guys. so here are some god thoughts:

so with all of this ben recovery stuff, ive been keeping a husband list, because ive been recognizing what i want and need in a husband. this isnt stuff i take lightly, but its stuff i know i legitimately need. so the exciting part is that matt a, who went on the philly trip last night, is someone who i hadnt known before, but i got to know on this trip. we only talked a bit, and mainly about family, future aspirations, interests, etc. but you know that when a jesus-loving man starts talking about anything, his heart shines through.

basically , i decided this guy is a lot like the person that i would want and need to marry. dont misunderstand, im not saying hes the one or even that i like him, but hes got the character traits that i recognize as totally desireable. hes a lot like ben, actually, but different. he's manly, but not so manly that he is macho. like, he doesnt need to prove it to other people, but he just is and he's strong; he loves jesus and that ties in with the strength to make the ultra-respectable leader that i want and need; jesus comes before his own desires (he was thinking about giving up marriage to be a priest, because maybe thats what god wants); he's a romantic at heart; he plays guitar; hes got amazingly chivalrous manners, and thats so important; if hes not a priest, hes in it for a wife and a family. not just for dating.

basically, those are the core ones. and why this is important with regards to god is that i feel like this is just more confirmation (added to the extra-a lot that ive been getting a lot) that god has someone awesome for me and i should put away these petty flirty games in preparation for the real thing. what i find amazing is that ive been so busy and so mentally sidetracked this semester that i havent gotten to seek god as much as usual. but the thing is, he isnt mad at me at all. i feel the natural draw, but god isnt mad at me for inconsistent love for him. so thank you, lord. and i will just keep seeking and waiting on whatever he has whenever. its a good place to be, in god's will. .

anyways, just an encouragement.
to recap: favorite moments: -logan kissing at a homeless person who was curled up on the beach, who he thought was a "boardwalk cat" (which they definitely posted signs about not feeding them...)
-almost dying in the philly ghetto
-the fact that i hate philly cheesesteaks
-almsot peeing my pants as i tore through the marriot lobby in search of a bathroom
-the boardwalk cats that nobody was supposed to feed
-the fact that i went to philly and never saw the liberty bell...jerks. im definitely going at some point.

ok, night.

killing me softly...

Yes. exams truly are killing me. but not softly. no, not at all. because 'softly' implies comfort and gentility. there is nothing comfy nor gentile about this incredible workload. however, today i got 2.75 of 4 assignments done. now all that stands between me and break is the rest of a paper and 20 pages of john calvins scriptural authority. tomorrow im bout to throw down.

its kinda sad how college makes me push aside my christmas spirit until after exams. its just not fair, you know? speaking of christmas, today in church we had this awesome sermon about gifts to give your kids from the bible. like, how giving them gifts is ok, but what needs to be given are biblical examples of awesome character so their lives will be great. im excited to have kids because of it. and it also reinforced the thoughts ive had about christmas and all the commercialism. i noticed it a few years ago, that my family just buys gifts for each other because they are supposed to. (not so much my immediate family as extended) but nobody really wants them, they just ask for things because they are supposed to ask for something. its so stupid. everyone has so much it makes me sick...so ive been thinking a lot about the world vision gift catalogue and how i can spend gift money buying goats for african families and doing it in my family members' names. but i want to ask my sister about it, because i dont know if my family would understand or be excited about it. i cant force my passions and disgruntled-ness on them, you know?

changing the subject, i had dinner with my mentor, michelle, thursday night. i had been thinking a lot about ben recently and she asked about him, so we talked about how i miss him and generally how i dont understand why we broke up when it was so good for so long and there wasnt really anything wrong. so michelle told me about one of her situations before she got married, and god spoke to me through her. basically, what i knew but couldnt put into words or identify as a problem was the fact that i didnt really respect ben. not that i didnt respect him, but just that i had been praying to see his heart for god for a long time, and i need to marry someone who i can always look up to spiritually. and i didnt have that all the time for ben. so...im excited about gods best for me, and that knowledge is helping to ease all this confusion and such.

anyways, bed time so i can get up and take out calvin.
night.

Merry (salt shack) Christmas!!!

So this is what the outside of my house looks like right at this very second. why? because the girls in my house are redunkulously obsessed with christmas, and have fiances who are way too whipped and will do crazy things like climb up on our roof to spend 2 hours stapling christmas lights to spell "salt shack" in cursive.

and im ok with it :)

today was our house family christmas. i bought kate, my secret santa gift recipient, an amazing gift- a pair of shoes and matching skirt! i might steal them though. and i got a baby mummble stuffed animal, made by allyson at build-a-bear. his heart glows red! awww!

exams start tomorrow, but ive had stuff due all week. it really drives me crazy though when class is over, but im busier than ever cause everyone decides that since classes are out, everyone must have time for meetings. no. i dont. and i need a solid block of time for working. i really cant stand not having that, it kinda drives me crazy. so today was kinda frustrating.

on the upside, i went to the mexico team meeting (im going there on missions for spring break) and was pretty excited cause i followed god in choosing this trip over others, and i dont even have boy ties on this one. so i was amazingly freed up to go without boy issues. however, i found out today that we will be accompanied by a guys small group from JMU. HA!

PRAISE THE LORD!

i hope one of them is a handsome black man named jerome who is lookin for a wifey. but seriously, i had to laugh. how amazingly ironic. its my favorite.

...ps, im in my living room and im sitting on the couch where i normally sit to do work, right. well, our basement flooded tonight and so mary and allyson, the girls downstairs, have to sleep in the living room. mary is going to bed now, and shes engaged, and her fiance was tucking her in when he said "and sydney needs to leave so mary can go to sleep"...
WHAT? excuse me? did i hear that right? he was trying to tell me to get out of my own living room so she could sleep. it would be different if she asked, but he told me! i mean, im here cause i dont get internet in my room. so. and then, once more before he left, he said "sydney you better not keep mary up long" and he was serious.
whatev.
im totally giving them a crappy wedding gift. ha.

one more thing- so tonight, my friend christina was over. she used to live in the house, and i really respect her, and now shes married and teaching in charlottesville. anyways, tonight we were talking about xa break ups, and ben and i came up. and she said, gently of course, that my husband will "be exceptional, and i will look at ben as a hot dog." that is a reference to the analogy that "god wont dangle a steak and throw you a hot dog" as far as spouses and boyfriends go.
i mean, she said it, i think, as a compliment. and basically she was saying ben wasnt my best. which, i guess, is mildly apparent, but i dont know. i hadnt completely ruled out us being together again. not that i had planned on it by any stretch of the imagination, but i mean...and not even that, but just that she didnt think ben was that great. and people have been telling me that lately. but that hurts. i mean, he made me so happy and we were so entirely perfect together. like, our relationship was better than some married/engaged couples i know now. and i cant imagine any better. so when people say that he wasnt that amazing, it hurts. does that make sense? i still love him. really. so i guess i want to know if and how much it matters what your friends and family think of your significant other. i know that common advice is to listenand heed that advice, but what if they dont know the ins and outs of your relationship? is what they see a good basis for judgment. i dont feel like my family liked ben all that much anyways so im beginning to think its not all the important. i just dont want to be blind and rebellious and stupid.

anyways, have a good night!
merry salt shack christmas!!!